Just don’t tell me you weren’t warned

Juba pikemat aega oleme hakanud laup2eviti ostma ja lugema Sydney Morning Heraldit. Mis on ca 2 kg kaaluv volditud leheks ajaleht (kui voltimata, siis on see ca 1 meeter lai ja avalikus kohas v6imatu lugeda). Kohutav. Selles on k6ikv6imalikud reisi, too, ma-ei-tea-mis-lisad veel, millest ma absoluutselt ei jaksa hoolida ja yldjuhul l2heb alati 1/3 paber taaskasutusprygikasti.

V2lja arvatud yks lisa – Spectrum. See on lisa, mida jumaldan ning k2sitleb see kunsti, muusikat, filme jm kultuurset tr2ni. Kui yldiselt ei ole ma v2ga kolumnide kirjutajate austaja, siis Richard Glover’i vastu ma ei saa. Tema on Spectrumi kolumnist ja peaaegu igakord kui ma tema juttu loen, t6usevad mul suunurgad taeva poole ja avastan end n6ustuvalt noogutamas tema jutu peale ning endorfiinid p22sevad valla! Lubage mul seekord siia ymber trykkida paar inglise keelset ( ma ei raatsi neid eesti keelde ymbertrykkida ja arvan, et pole vajagi) v2ljav6tet tema viimasest kolumnist t2nasest Spectrumist:

/”Why did human civilisation disappear around the year 2027? Was it the North Korean missile strikes or the fifth generation swine flu? No, it was the microwave ovens. Just one too many heat-and-serve lasagnes and bang goes the human race, obliterated by its commitment to convenience in food preparation.”/ Nii ta alustab. Kuna see kolumn on liialt pikk tervenisti ymbertrykkimiseks, kuid lyhike lugemiseks!), siis toon teieni vaid minu meelest k6ige paremad palad teemal- mikrolainahju, televiisori, mobiili kahjulikkusest, jm.

/”There’s a special category of beliefs - the things we half-believe to be true. We wouldn’t like to defend them intellectually but we act as if they were true."

Microwave – “We don’t have a microwave at our place. That’s because I believe that one day they’ll discover microwaves fill your food full of death rays.”

TV – “I’m pretty sure, for example, there’s something hypnotic about the waves from a television set and these hypnotic waves are sent out on purpose as part of a mass brainwashing project../…/ It’s why I always get bad-tempered when someone puts on the television and encourages me to watch it. I behave as if I am being hustled into a dimly lit crack house, destined to emerge some time later, dazed and stupefied, fleeced of everything – my time, my intellectual resources, my dignity./…./ And there you are, 4 hours later, a drooling mess on the couch, half-way through the episode of Ladette to Lady (austraalia noored, halvasti k2ituvad, neiud’ saadetakse Inglismaale kombeid 6ppima) or Biggest Loser (p2riselu v6istlussaade, kus yli-yli paksud ebatervislikult toituvad austraallased yritavad teatud aja jooksul dieedi ja trenniga nii palju, kui v6imalik, alla v6tta. Masendav!). Why? Stupefying rays are the only reasonable explanation.”

Men and reproductive organs - “ I, for example, believe that middle-age men who drive expensive sports cars have smaller-than-average reproductive organs.”

Cyclists – “And all cyclists are now stark raving mad due to effect of those tight bike shorts”.

Doctors – “ Visiting doctor is bad for your health. Taking any form of medicine is bad for your health.

Food – “ Low- fat food makes you fat”

Wifi – “Wireless internet in your bedroom rots your brain while you are asleep.”

Mobiles – “ I really do believe that mobile phones will one day be proved to destroy your brain. That’s why I bought one recently and hardly ever use it; a policy that creates such rage among my friends that it will be unclear whether their early deaths will be result of their own mobile-phone use or the stress caused by having a friend who owned one but left it locked in a lead-lined drawer and during use, held it a full half-meter from his head, yelling towards it when he wished to speak and shouting ‘can’t hear you’ when he wished to listen.

Just don’t tell me you weren’t warned.”/

Isenenest pole yheski ylal toodud poindis miskit uut meie enamuse jaoks, ma pakun. Kuid hea on vahel neid meeldetuletada ja ka avastada, et keegi veel m6tleb nii nagu sina, kuid paneb s6nadesse paremini, kui sa ealeski suudaks. Ma loodan, et peale minu, v2hemalt keegi veel sai natuke muiata.

Seekord sai yle keskmise rohkem kribatud. Ja ei yhtegi pilti.

Tsiirs

CB